In The High Dive, I really like the voice the author uses that has great sync with the personality of someone little. I agree that for someone writing from the perspective of a younger character, tighter writing is better. I think that there can also be instances where writers write from an older perspective, looking back in time, and I think that that is an interesting style too. For this piece, however, I like the repetitive "Watch me!..." dialogue that shows the age of the character and the craving for assurance in some way. In this piece, the setting is in a pool somewhere, with water and a fast-paced set of scenes that races forward like a child's mind. I think that the flashback of "Earlier that night at supper" breaks the flow of the story somewhat. I, personally, would push it into an earlier paragraph, perhaps, because there are important bits of information in it. Another thing to note is that the literal elements of the story, such as "I shiiiiiivered" would fit much better into a "Geronimo Stilton" style, with colorful word art words that appeal to kids, rather than a black on white word document format. Overall, the story is very consistent, in voice, theme, and writing style, and would really appeal to younger readers. A last thing to note would be that, unless for emphasis' sake, "What d'ya say" could be changed to "What'd ya say" and "Daaady" to "Daaaddy".
1/12 Speaker = 5*****
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